if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
