whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
