i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
