His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
