We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
