everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
