Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
