dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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