3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
