First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
