After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
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I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
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I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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