Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
how drunk are you?
Several
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
