I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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