my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
