I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
