i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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