You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
