If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
