As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
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