But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
