I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
