so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
