If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I forget how to act sober
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
