I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
