If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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