i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
