I can text with my tongue
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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