please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
she peed on how many people?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
