im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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