pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
her vagine was all disorganized.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
