Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
