it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
dude. I can hear the air.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
