just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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