Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
