508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Randomize
