I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
