My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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