It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
