Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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