'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
