in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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