Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
