There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
