She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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