so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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