i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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