Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
