im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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