I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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