Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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