Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
