CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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