you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
