I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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