My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize