Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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