How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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