Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I would fuck him just for his dog
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
