I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
