You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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