He disabled his match.com account in front of me
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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