You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
