Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize