i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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