Bisexual people are plain selfish.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
