I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Randomize
