Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
