I would go down on you faster than GM stock
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
