I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
