dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
