i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
