Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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