my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
