His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
