Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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