I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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