...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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