So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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