I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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