I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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