Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
