You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
