so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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