You made me cry and you don't even care
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
